AMAZING RACE 14: Ep. 7

Six teams left. Sibling lawyers Victor & Tammy leave the Pit Stop, Jaigarh Fort in India, at 10:21 a.m. The clue sends the teams 2,000 miles away, to Phuket, Thailand. Host Phil pronounces it Foo-ket, rather than the correct pronunciation: Fuk-et.

The clue contains a photo of a statue of a gorilla. Teams must fly to Phuket and find the statue. We are told that the statue it at the Phuket Zoo: the teams are not.

Cutting away from V&T talking to the camera as they ride in a cab headed for either a travel agency or the airport, Tammy tells us that all her life her entire family has thought that older brother Victor, “was the one who was always right; he’s older, he’s smartest, he’s faster, he’s brighter….” But that was before he literally dropped to his knees in tears, wracked by shame after almost costing them the game because he refused to admit the path he insisted they follow was the wrong one. I wonder what changes her family has gone through since that image was broadcast into millions of home across the continent.

Gay father and son Mel & Mike leave half an hour later. In the cab Mike asks his father if he knows any Thai. Likely referencing years spent in cocktail lounges before he came out of the closest, Mel says, “Yeah; My Thia.”

Short story shorter, all teams wind up on the same flight to Phuket. For unknown reasons, Mel & Mike don’t catch a cab – all the others do. This is what is called ironic foreshadowing.

Clip of Jamie talking baby talk to her and Cara’s cabbie. Cut to the two addressing the camera. Cara says Jamie treats local people like a, “witch with a b.” Jamie’s a bwitch? A wbitch? A wibtch?... Jamie, rotfl.

For contrast we cut to T&V in pleasant conversation with their driver. His name is Bandit. He tells the pair that Bandit means Teacher in Thai. They tell him that Shit For Brains means Honored Sir in English.

Mel & Mike finally get a cab. The driver tells them that the gorilla statue is at Phunket Beach. The music hits a suspended chord. They pass the others, wandering around asking people where the statue is. It seems all 5 have actually found cabbies willing to admit they don’t know where something is. Mel & Mike decide to trust their cabbie and continue on their way to Phuket Beach. Cut to the others learning the gorilla is at the Zoo.

The 5 non-M&M teams arrive at the Zoo, find the gorilla and learn they must have their picture taken with a tiger and then allow a trained elephant to walk over them. Cut to the tiger, tended to by an ominously one-armed trainer. It is the same one that appears in Blake’s Tiger, Tiger. The single most beautiful creature in creation. Fearful symmetry, indeed. Cut to a small elephant pedaling a large trike-like vehicle. Cut to western shame and eastern indifference. Cut to an elephant stepping over two prone humans, then straddling and squatting over a third. Go, elephant, go.

Jamie tells the camera that if she could live with animals, she would be happy to never see another human again. Right back at 'cha.

Cut to M&M wandering around the section of the city known as Phuket Beach. They start to pronounce the name correctly.

The five non-M&M teams complete the Detour and head for the oldest herb shop in Phuket, the Nguan Choon Tong Herbs Shop. Teams must pick one of 99 herb drawers to be opened. Six of the drawers contain the next clue.

Mel & Mike admit they have blown it. They get back on track, but are far behind.

Mark & Michael are the first of the 5 non-Mike & Mels to pick a herb drawer with a clue in it. The clue is the third Detour of the episode. They can choose between two manual labor tasks, 100 Barrels or 2 Miles. In 100 Barrels they must prepare a fishing boat for sea by filling 47 barrels with water from a hose while storing 53 empty barrels on the second level of the boat. In 2 Miles one team member pulls the other in a rickshaw.

Mark & Michael are in the lead. They choose the rickshaw and find air pumps piled in front of the rickshaws. It seems not all tires are fully pumped. The brothers fill their ties, then one of them puts all the air pumps in a large box, hoping to delay the others. As they work their way through the crowded streets, they hire a cab to lead them to their destination. The guys finish the task and make it to the Pit Stop with no other teams in site. Phil tells them they have incurred double :30 minute penalties, one for tampering with the air pumps, one for hiring the cab to escort them. The brothers take a seat.

Back at the Detour, Kisha & Jen are the first team to choose 100 Barrels. They load all the top barrels first, Kisha handing them up to Jen, one at a time. Only when they are nearly finished does Kisha clue in that she should have been moving the hose from barrel to barrel while she was waiting for Jen to place the barrels up top.

V&T doing 2 Miles. One tire is totally flat. Victor, showing true grit in the face of a complete lack of any power of observation, drags little sis for 2 miles. For Margie & Luke, the rickshaw doesn’t work with Luke pulling, because he can’t hear directions from his mom. She whacks him with a heavy stick several times and he still can’t hear her.

Over at the dock, Mike & Mel catch up to Kisha and Jen.

Victor is the only contestant to pull the rickshaw for the entire 2 miles without being spelled by their partner. What is up with that, Tammy?

As the cabs race for the Pit Stop, Margie complains of the Thia heat (she pulled the rickshaw for the last half of the 2 miles) and says she feels chilled.

With only 4:02 left in Mark & Michael’s 60:00 penalty, V&T cross the finish line. With them still talking to Phil and :59 left in the penalty, Jamie & Cara take second. Mark & Michael finish in third.

Margie and Luke trot to the mat. Margie mumbles, “We need water.” She is ignored. Luke puts an arm at her back. She pushes away. She hunches over, hands on knees, gasping. She straightens, lifts her hands. They are shaking badly. She says, “My fingers are frozen.” Phil stands without a word, obviously uncertain what to do. After a too-long pause, he does nothing but continue with the script, right down to the hand signs and the theatrical pause between “You are team number,” and “four.” Luke grabs his Mom after some hopping around in celebration. The impact is too much for her and she falls. She is passing out. Luke grabs hold and they fold to their knees. They get Margie the water she should have had immediately. She is out cold.

Margie recovers and refuses EMS attention when it arrives. That was tough to watch, girl.

Jen and Kisha get lost but find their way back to beat out Mel & Mike for 5th and final place. And just like that, the best father - son team in Amazing Race history is eliminated from AR14.