Kid Nation - Episode 9

We open with Green team leader Laurel bragging to the camera about her crew. Four of the 7 gold stars given out to date have gone to Green team members. The team uncharacteristically rubs the other teams’ collective face in their success, making one wonder if we are witnessing the unseen hand of the producers in what follows; in the middle of the street, the Green team shows off their gold stars to each other, wonder aloud if they are now sexier, dance and chant “Gold Team, Gold Team.”

Jared and Emilie complain to the camera. Both 9 year olds make the same mistake weak minded adults do, confusing equality of opportunity with equality of result. Jared thinks it’s unfair that the Greens have more than their share of gold stars, while Emilie emphatically asserts what is demonstrably untrue: “No one here is the coolest kid. We’re all equal.” Sorry, Emilie – there is no inalienable right to coolness.

The town council meets in the church to read the pioneer journal. It advises then to mix up the teams to get better group chemistry. Zack, leader of the Yellows, the youngest of the teams, is all for it. They need some older, stronger members and Zack, who says of his team, “We’re a bunch of girls,” isn’t too proud to admit it. Laurel, on the other hand, flatly refuses the suggestion that her Green team (which has done lousy at challenges, spending as much time as Laborers as the rest of the town put together) could be improved, or that it would be good for the town to spread around the Gold Star winners. Guyland, who has lost the respect of several Red team members, thinks his team could use more “intellectual” members. Maybe I’m wrong, but I think he thinks those who don’t agree with him disagree out of stupidity and therefore smarter members would be easier to lead. As for Blue team leader Anjay: the thought of having to order the separation of Greg and Blaine, the oldest, strongest kids in town and the closest (Blaine, in drag, played Juliette to Greg’s Romeo in last week’s talent show, don’t forget) fills him with dread. He calls the whole idea of mixing up the teams, “dynamite waiting to happen.”

A town meeting is called. Laurel announces, “We have decided to mix you guys all up.” Way to sell the plan, girl. Groans of protest erupt. Cut to Greg instinctively putting a protective arm in front of Blaine, as if to shield him from physical harm. Focusing on the adolescent male homoeroticism that the talent show skit hinted at is looking less like a hint and more like an editor’s considered decision.

Red team leader Guylan goes first. “Well, guys on Red district, no offense to any of you guys, but I know we need some intellectual people....” Jared, the 9 year old Red team member who did a Shakespearian monologue says, “Heyyyy.” Funniest scene yet.

Cut to Mike complaining to the camera that, “It was kind of annoying to hear Guylan say we need some smart people on our team. That’s why we’re here – we’re all smart.” Again with the egalitarianism. You’d think our children were being educated by a bunch of union lackeys. Oh, wait….

Guylan picks last week’s gold star winner, Nathan. Cut to Markelle, complaining to the camera about Guylan’s selection. “Nate is not a team player… He’s weird.” Evidently in Markelle’s world, being a self-motivated worker makes one weird.

Anjay’s self-esteem is in the toilet after 3+ weeks of having his older team members casually dismiss him, wants to prove himself. He selects Red team member Emilie to come over to the Blue team. Emilie has gotten a reputation as a slacker and Anjay thinks he will prove himself (to himself) if he can turn her around.

Zack goes next. When he announces he will be selecting someone who can add “more manpower” to the Yellow district, Greg suspects he and Blaine will be separated and actually sits on Blaine’s lap, arms and legs spread, as if to hide him. Zack does what Greg fears and selects Blaine. Greg howls, but Blaine goes without a fuss, looking relieved to be literally out from under Greg.

Laurel drops her bombshell – no changes in the Green team. I have no idea how she thinks she’s going to get away with this. The town erupts in protest. “I want Blaine back,” cries Greg. Even Green team gold star winner Michael looks offended. But Laurel turns absolutely cold to criticism, doing a fair imitation of Taylor’s deal-with-it: “We’re done,” she tells the braying inhabitants of Bonanza City. “Go away.”

Several revealing scenes follow:
Greg telling the camera the council shouldn’t have allowed Laurel to get away with not changing the Green team.
Greg chasing down Anjay and berating him as a traitor for letting Blaine go.
Blaine packing and moving to the Yellow district without protest, reasoning that he will get more of an opportunity to shine (and win a $20,000 gold star) now that he’s “out from under his [Greg’s] shadow.”
Greg, carrying his sleeping and duffle bags, attempting to move into the Yellow bunkhouse, saying, “I may be Blue, but I’m sleeping with Yellow.”
Blaine saying of Greg, “I think he’s crazy.”
Emilie is happy to get a new start with the Blue team, and no one seems to resent her. Nathan receives a less than warm reception to the Red team, with Markelle and Jared leading the opposition.

The next day is Sunday and 12 year old Hunter holds a Sunday service. “When I woke up this morning,” he tells us, “I thought the whole town was about to break down.” Twelve other kids attend. Hunter reads them the lyrics of the old Byrds chestnut, “Turn, turn, turn,” and does a not-bad job of interpreting Roger McGuinn’s message. (What? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8? No way. You mean I got my first hand job while listening to the Bible?) Hunter actually gets through to ever-sensitive Mike, who realizes he was wrong to raise so much fuss about Guylan choosing Nathan to join their team. “I was a hypocrite,” he tells the camera, “and now I’ve got to face it.”

We get a brief scene of Greg reverting to his bad old days as a bully and threatening to hit Anjay (“in the face”). Rather than rallying to protect Anjay from the bully, the rest of the Blue team joins in on Greg’s side, and seem to enjoy humiliating their leader, with Olivia being particularly cruel.

The challenge: each team has a sled and a pile of rocks. Rocks go in the sleds; teams drag their sled through an obstacle course. First to finish, wins. The catch is, while there is no mandatory minimum number of rocks that must be loaded into each sled, the combined total weight of the stones must equal at least one US ton (910 kilograms) to win the communal prize. Blue gets Upper Class (thanks to Greg), Yellow gets Merchants (thanks to Blaine), Green gets Cooks and Red becomes the Laborers. Unfortunately, the total weight is less than a ton. Fortunately, none of the 4 teams hit 25% of the total, so teams share the blame equally. The missed prize choices? Beds for everyone or a trailer with a lounge.

When asked for nominations for the gold star, the town is surprisingly unanimous (bi-nanimous?): Blain or Hunter.

At the town meeting the kids are sharply divided on their feelings about the switching of members. Blaine thinks things are fairer now; Greg still feels betrayed. He expresses admiration for Laurel’s refusal to break-up her team, and disdain for Anjay. Green team members and gold star winners Sophia and Michael disagree with Greg’s assessment. Laurel is shocked when they public distance themselves from her leadership, calling her refusal to switch a member selfish and shallow.

When asked if anybody wants to go home, Yellow team member Randi decides she is too homesick to stay.

Gold star winner – Blaine. But before he is allowed to call home, an unexpected bit of business. The host asks the kids if they are happy with the job the council is doing. Only Blaine raises his hand (hey, if they gave me 20 grand, I’d think they were doing a wonderful job).

With no support for the current council, the floor is opened to nominations. We are having our second election, and this time it looks like this time there will be no campaign – just put your name out there, give a speech and vote. We’ll find out who the nominees are next week.