Celebrity Apprentice - Episode 9

My excuse for posting this so late: stuff came up.

Piers and Lennox return from the boardroom, Lennox ribbing Piers for sweating enough for the Donald to mention it. Tito, who, along with Oma, Trace, Carol, and Stephen, watched the proceedings on closed circuit, comments on the tire marks on Lennox from when Piers threw him under the bus while answering Trump‘s question, “Who do you think contributed the least?”

Morning. Last week’s PM, Stephen, has another check for his mom’s Carol Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Foundation. Last time he gave it to her in person and we got to see his heart break when mom’s first reaction was that she wanted to thank Mr. Trump in person. A middle son in a brood of 4 boys, all he wants in life is mom’s attention. I won it, mom. It’s my money. I’m giving it to you, not him! This time he puts her on speaker phone. It doesn’t start well for young Stephen.
“Is this Carol Baldwin,” he asks. Whatever happen to, “Hi, ma.”?
She doesn’t recognize the voice. “This is Carol Necomb Martineau Baldwin.”
“Yeah,” he says, discouraged, bracing himself. “Do you know who this is?”
There’s a pause and then it comes to her. “It’s Stephen. The Flea.”
For our benefit he says, “That’s my nickname,” but not before he throws up in his mouth a little bit, I think. Poor boy. The conversation ends with her telling her boy to “be sure and thank the Donald for me,” and the Flea, after a visible wince, saying, “I will, honey. Love ya.”

The cast assembles in the lobby of the new Hearst Tower. Accompanying Trump are 2 Dial Soap execs and the editor of Redbook. The task is to produce a 4 page photo essay for Dial Nourishing Yogurt Body Wash. I’ve got a germaphobe friend who uses a special wash for vegetables, but yogurt?

Omarosa immediately hisses to her team that she wants to be PM. For reasons beyond the ken of mere mortals, they pick Tito. Empressario is creating a 4 page ad for a women’s magazine and who better to lead the project than a UFC fighter.

Hydra wisely selects Carol.

The teams meet with the execs. In the meeting with Empressario we learn that Redbook is widely read in the country music demographic. Trace is picked once again to be the centerpiece of the photo spread. It’s all pretty boring till Omarosa is given the chance to set up a scene. She calls in two male models, sets them up behind Trace playing the guitar. All are shirtless. She gets a really great shot, with the models line dancing away from each other in the background and Trace up center: his head is so far down all we see is the hat and hair, while he flails at the guitar in a dramatic pose that’s a cross between London Calling and Born in the USA. Steve convinces Tito it’s too racy for Redbook. And National Geographic is darn near pornographic.

At Hydra, Piers convinces Carol that she should be the model despite this meaning she will carry double her share of the weight, what with also being PM. She reluctantly agrees, and Piers steps up as an able assistant. She looks great in the family oriented but still sexy layout. Lennox does little but get rambunctious in the Carol-and-hubby-frolic in-the-sheets shoot. Lennox wants to have another model slipping in from the edge of the frame, looking for some sloppy seconds. And no, that one is not a joke – he really did.

Piers handles the presentation for Hydra and he is slick and smooth. The final page in the photo spread is the frolicking in the sheets with hubby scene, with hubby energetically love-biting Carol’s shoulder. The husband could have been better cast. He shouldn’t look so much like the pool boy, or her first born. This registers with Trump, but not on a conscious level. “Is that a bite?” he asks, grossly over-offended. “That looks like a bite. Is he biting her? It looks like a bite to me.”

Omarosa does a decent introduction for Empressario and then, disastrously, turns the MC duties over to Tito. The guy is horrible. This is how he starts:

Tito: “So we’re going to go over our pitch of Dial Yogurt-based, uh….”
Dial Exec: “Body wash?”
Tito: “Body wash. With aloe vera. And of course, we’ll continue on.”

In the boardroom Trump asks Tito about his presentation. Tito says he was being very careful to represent Empressario in the best light. Huh? Trump also brings up the love bite. It really offended him. Note to self: when you get on The Apprentice, do not screw with the Donald’s Oedipal complex.

The Dial and Redbook folks loved the Hydra spread. Donald announces the choice more than a little reluctantly. Biting. What has happened to Middle America that they will accept biting in Redbook. The end is near.

The teams exit and Empressario PM Tito returns with Oma and Stephen in tow. The Donald toys with us, but just when it looks like he is going to fire Oma for not insisting on being PM he turns on Tito and the UFC ex-middle weight champ is history. I'm telling you - she's a ringer.