Survivor Micronesia - Episode 5

The Fans return from tribal council after eliminating Mikey, one of their strongest competitors. How these people expect to ever win another challenge is a mystery. They should just make beauty queen coach Chet their leader and be done with it. That Tracy was easily able to manipulate all brawn but no brain (no understanding of human nature, anyway) Joel into engineering Mikey’s eviction rather than Chet’s is proof she is the best player on the team, but as long as they lose every challenge that’s akin to being the best shuffleboard player on the Titanic. Gymnastics coach Jason talks to the camera, bemoaning the tribe’s decision. He thinks the tribe is going to just keep losing. I hear you, guy.

Next morning the tension in the camp is palpable. In a moment of solitude Chet and Tracy let it be known that Jason is their next target. Amazing. The weakest members of the tribe have an alliance that bully-boy Joel is not part of, and he’s such a mindless alpha they are able to manipulate him like a child into doing what they want. And it’s working. In short order Joel will have helped the weakling alliance eliminate all of his physical competitiors, at which point the weakling alliance will eliminate him.

Over at Malakala the Faves are relaxed and cheerful. They butcher the rooster (won with 3 laying hens in last week’s luxury challenge) for a change from all the sea bass and crab they’ve been eating. Ozzy slips away long enough to hide the immunity idol he found on Exile Island. He then lets his alliance partners in on his secret – the first stupid move I’ve seen him make. Didn’t he watch Survivor China?

The tribes assemble for the luxury challenge and learn the tribes are being switched. Now do you understand, Ozzy?

New line-up:
Malakala: Ozzy, Joel, Amanda, Eric, Ami, Tracy, Cirie, Chet
Airia: Natalie, James, Alexis, Jonathan, Jason, Pavarti, Kathy, Eliza

The Couples Alliance from Malakala have stayed together as couples but have separated as a team alliance with Ozzy/Amanda on the new Malakala and James/Pavarti on Airia. If both couples make it to the merge, they’ll have a killer 4 person alliance going into the home stretch. As for the Weakling Alliance, Kathy’s out but Tracy and Chet and their unwitting cohort Joel are still together. And finally, the Jonathan, Ami, Eliza alliance, which has fallen far and fast since Cirie back-stabbed them, is pretty much history.

The luxury challenge prize is a barbeque, with steak, sausage, wine and lots of veggies to grill. The challenge consists of two teams of two bound together at the waist by a six foot rope. One team, the runners, have flags. The other team must catch the runners and grab one of the flags within 60 seconds. The chase takes place in an obstacle course made up of tree-branch fences.

Round 1: Eric and Ozzy chase Kathy and Natalie. Ozzie grabs Kathy’s flag with a nice slide under a fence rail and Malakala is up 1-0.

Round 2: Pavarti and Eliza chase Chet and Joel. Who decided Joel and Chet would work well together? I’m half expecting Joel to deck Chet, sling him over his shoulder and try to outrun the women all on his own. But, no, they stumble along, Joel being an A-hole and not working with his teammate. Despite a wicked wipeout that leaves Pavarti with a fat lip, the women catch the men and Airia ties it up at 1-1.

Round 3: Ami and Amanda chase James and Jason. Ami bangs up a knee and it looks like the guys will win this one until they do a Looney Tunes shtick. In full flight, they each take one side of a tree. The rope binding them together catches the trunk and they get whipped into each other. Hilarious. So glad I got it on tape. Malakala 2, Airia 1.

Round 4: Jonathan and Alexis chase Cirie and Tracy (these two have already found each other. Cirie will replace Kathy in the Weakling Alliance, don’t you know?). Jonathan and Alexis make it 4 in a row for the chasers and we’re all tied up again. Jonathan has an ugly puncture wound in the knee area from catching a stick when dove to grab Cirie’s ankle.

Round 5: Chet and Joel chase Pavarti and Eliza – winner takes the prize. It is brutal. Joel has no concept that he can’t proceed until his teammate has cleared an obstacle. He slams Chet into any number of fence rails – one time in particular smashing his head hard. Chet’s down and Joel does nothing to help him, just bulls ahead dragging Chet into the next obstacle while the women flit away. For the first time the runners are the victors and Airia wins reward.

Joel glowers menacingly at Chet. Joel’s a freakin’ firefighter? I always thought working as a team was kind of key in that line of work. You learn something new every day.

The newly configured tribes return to their camps. When the ex-Airia members of Malakala see their new camp they are amazed by the clean, dry location and the solid shelter. As for the ex-Malakala members, camp Airia appalls them. The shelter is in ruins and the fire is right on the beach with the tide coming in.

Joel talks to the camera at Malakala. He finds it ironic that he went engineered Mikey’s eviction, saving Chet, only to have the decision cost his team the luxury challenge. “Maybe this is poetic justice,” he says. Yeah, maybe – in a maybe the sun will rise tomorrow kind of way. But Joel is always able to find the silver lining, especially when the dark clouds are of his own making. “On the other,” he continue, “it can be good to have people around who are ultimately expendable.”

Ozzy talks to us about Chet. “Man, he’s got to go.” Chet bonds with the chickens and tells the camera about their pecking order. At least he has no delusions. “They’ll kill the weakest one,” he concludes.

Back at Airia the group watches the tide creep ever closer to the fire and discuss whether they should move the barbeque operation further up. They are still discussing it when the ocean fills the fire pit. Unbelievable.

Jonathan is hobbling badly from his puncture wound and it worsens overnight. A medic is brought in. She cleans his wound and stitches him up. He is left with a warning that the infection may have already started down inside the knee.

At Malakala Ozzy and Joel discuss terms. They agree that Chet will go first, followed by the weakest original Malakala member.

The Airia Faves take the Airia Fans further into the trees and show them how to make a camp. While the men build the shelter Amanda comes back from checking the net with a 35 pound shark in hand. What a babe.

Challenge time. They get puzzle pieces by throwing rocks at tiles. Malakala gets theirs first. Chet directs the puzzle team. Airia takes forever to get their pieces, but the puzzle is a tough abstract one and Chet can’t take advantage of the lead for Malakala. With Joel arguing with Chet’s directions, Airia comes from behind to defeat Malakala for the second challenge in a row.

The strategizing starts at Malakala. Joel and Eric agree that Chet has to go. “This is a game for the strong,” Joel says. Don’t know what Survivor he’s been watching, because according to my score cards, the physically strongest player has won Survivor exactly once. Maybe he’s a Dolphin’s fan.

Joel and Ozzy get some alone time. Joel lays out for the eviction order he’s willing to agree to: Chet, then Cirie, then Tracy. Ozzy agrees “totally, 100%.”

Eric makes the mistake of blabbing to Amanda and Cirie about the weakest-first eviction strategy. Cirie is no fool. It’s a good idea, if you’re not one of the weakest. She grabs Tracy and Chet and they head into the jungle. They decide to go after Joel. Cirie tries to work her magic on Ozzy and Amanda. Eliminate the weakest member or the strongest competitor?

And they do it – the Weakling Alliance, broken and reformed, lays the beat low. Joel is evicted. I’m amazed, amazed, amazed.