The Bachelorette 4 - Episode 5

Week 5 is split into 2 parts. The first hour, DeAnna Tells All, starts after DeAhnna has watched the tapes of the season so far. Afterwards, Chris interviews her. She talks at first about some of the guys who are gone. Fine and good, but we want to hear about the ones still in the hunt.

Chris calls the scene last week at the stock car track, when Graham played pouty boy and refused to give our bachelorette a kiss because he wasn’t a sloppy seconds kind of guy (my words, not his), “the most stunning moment of this season so far.” She says Graham is not opening up to her and she perversely finds herself drawn to him even more because of it. She sums it up by saying that Graham is the exception. “Most of the guys are starting to realize they have to start focusing on what we have,” she tells Chris, by which she means “they have to start focusing on me and my needs.”

Chris steers her into a conversation about martial arts dude and serious hair product connoisseur, Sean. This is a guy that is truly into himself and the fact that DeAhnna has kept him into the final 6 raises doubts in my mind about her ability to judge character. Her response to Chris’ question about their connection is, “We have a lot of things in common.” Well, it is true they are both narcissists, so she may be more aware of character than I thought. Maybe it’s just a matter of I like tomatoes and she likes the black mold that turns potatoes into slime.

Jason goes under the microscope next. She sounds sincere about her admiration for the single father, but I say there is no way this woman will want to share her life with another woman’s child. Now, don’t get me wrong: she might well pick Jason in the end – he is a together guy with a good life as an attorney in Chicago. She very well might pick him. I just think it will be better for young Ty if she doesn’t.

We leave off with her review of the 6 remaining bachelors only half done and switch to why she gave the axe to Richard. The way I saw it, he was a slow starter who was only beginning to accept that a woman as beautiful as DeAhnna was actually interested in him. Just as he was working through his insecurities to get a place where he could steal a simple kiss, DeAhnna was letting her insecurities get the better of her and coming to the conclusion that he hadn’t kissed her because he wasn’t interested. Another character mis-read.

But I may have this one wrong. DeAhnna points to a moment on their final date when she knew Richard wanted to kiss her and she says she didn’t lean in because she just didn’t feel it for him. So I guess Richard and I were the ones who misread the situation.

Chris brings up last week’s impromptu barbeque at the bunkhouse. It looked to me like DeAhnna couldn’t take not being the center of the event. She says the problem was the guys were focusing on her relationships with other guys instead of focusing on their relationships with her.

We go to the 2-on-1 with Fred and Robert that ended with both men being sent to the showers. DeAhnna mentions the unromantic kiss with Robert. And it was weird: the way he had convinced himself that he would be safe is he could get the first kiss, DeAhnna’s cringe-inducing response when he swooped in, his totally unsupported re-interpretation of the event as a moment of strong, romantic connection between the two of them.

Regarding Fred’s eviction, DeAhnna says the hardest part was that Fred thought he was safe after Robert got the boot and she had to blindside him. Chris points out she could have kept him around for another week and then evicted him and it would have softened the blow. DeAhnna looks like this is a novel idea that never occurred to her.

We are next treated to a visit with “The Bachelor’s favorite family,” Ryan and Trista. They are also The Bachelor’s only family. The segment is total filler.

Wait a minute – this whole DeAnna Tells All bit is nothing but filler. What do you call a filler filler? It’s like, what do you call dung beetle feces? Lunch?

Our next filler bits are profiles of the final 6. Jesse is first. He works hard at cultivating his snowboarder alt-lifestyle image. Hey Jess: Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention, live at the Fillmore. Frank tells the crowd, “Don’t kid yourself – everybody here is wearing a uniform.” Words to live by, Jesse.

Twilley gets a profile and it only confirms our impression of him as a dufus. He never stops performing and is rarely funny. This guy is not acquainted with the concept of “socially appropriate behavior” and should have been sent home many men ago. We do learn one cool fact – his dad played 11 seasons for the Dolphins.

Jason is next and we learn nothing new.

Sean gets the most revealing profile. It is a doozy. This guy is an only child momma’s boy who can’t stop talking about the brand-name clothes he wears and the hair and beauty products he uses. He has struck me as odd before this, but now it is clear: a potential night manager for The Bates Motel? Absolutely. A potential husband? Only if the bride foreswears showers for the rest of her life.

Graham’s profile contains no surprises. They are hot enough for each other that even the fights are arousing: end of story.

Richard’s profile raises some flags. He says he works till 9 or 10 at night and has no social life. That isn’t what DeAhnna is looking for, I don’t think.

Cut to a commercial, back for a one-sentence review of each bachelor from our bachelorette and this ill-advised hour of filler comes to a merciful end.

The real episode 5 starts with Chris informing the final six that:
-this episode will be a double elimination, meaning survivors will constitute the final 4 and get the hometown visit that that entails.
-no individual roses will be given out from now on.
-they are to pack for a week in Palm Springs.

In the desert, DeAnna shows the men to their home for the week, a huge house that is part of an ultra-private resort. She splits and date-mail arrives shortly thereafter. Sean gets the first date.

He packs and is driven up into the mountains, where he rides a cable car several hundred feet to the first landing, where DeAhnna is waiting. In voice-over she tells us that she raised her opinion of Sean when he took the time to ask her about herself at the race track last week. She does love talking about her favorite subject.

They go for a second cable car ride to the mountain top (cable car as in The Alps, not as in San Francisco). DeAhnna, not a fan of heights, snuggles up for comfort as they ascend. They have a sunset dinner on the balcony of a restaurant. (Who builds these places?) Sean tells her what the competition is like among the men:

“You’re walking around with a loaded gun all the time and I came to the conclusion it’s better to be walking around with a loaded gun than no gun at all.”

It reminds me that this dude thought guys’ guy Ron had a lot of wisdom. DeAhnna looks confused and a little frightened, but gamely nods her head in complete agreement with whatever the hell he’s talking about. She even invites him back to her room for dessert.

Back at the men’s quarters Jeremy reads the group date invite. “Jesse, Jason, Graham and Twilley,” he reads, meaning he’s getting a one-on-one. It occurs to me: what if the invitation really included him and excluded someone else and he just switched the names as he read it out loud? Would the producers bust him? Would he have to eat the invitation to get away with it? How will the others react if he suddenly crams the note into his mouth and starts chewing?

Back in DeAhnna’s room, she asks Sean what he thinks will happen if she visits his hometown. He says he thinks it will end the competition. They step out onto the patio and cuddle on a hammock.

Next morning a chopper picks up everybody but Twilley and DeAhnna. They will have some alone time on a chopper of their own. He has been worried about his lack of one-on-one time and this is his chance. Unfortunately, Twilley is highly prone to motion sickness and he spends the ride not puking.

The group goes ATV riding in the desert, something the bachelorette has a lot of experience at. Jesse continues to impress, “manhandling” his ATV, popping wheelies, wiping out and getting back at 'er without complaint. And he does all of it near DeAhnna. Twilley continues to reveal his true self, piddling around, off by himself. For the whole day.

Back at the resort the group goes for a swim. Jason, who had mechanical problems with his ATV, decides he needs to make a move outside his comfort zone. He and DeAhnna stretch out in a couple of loungers. I don’t know where his comfort zone is, but evidently talking in glowing terms about ones family lies outside it.

Jesse steals DeAhnna away. I’m still waiting for one of these guys to tell an interrupter to get lost. Anyway, Jesse pours his heart out, but doesn’t follow up with a kiss, and this girl needs kissing. She is disappointed and I finally clue in to how important that contact is to her. Hot boy Graham cuts in and you just know the chemistry between the two is going to diminish Jesse and drop him even further into the friends category. If you fail to kiss her a second time, Graham, you’ll regret it.

Jason tells Twilley that it’s obvious DeAhnna and Graham share a physical attraction she doesn’t share with anybody else. Tough thing for a guy to admit to another guy. Guess it really shows.

Graham and DeAhnna, necking on a hammock.

Final Pool Party Score:
Graham: 10 out of 10
Jason: 0 (didn’t lose points)
Jesse: -2
Twilley: Benched. Again.

As Jeremy and DeAhnna head out on their one-on-one, Graham muses that it troubles him that he and Jeremy are such opposites. He can’t understand how she can be attracted to both of them.

The date is a tour and dinner at Frank Sinatra’s old house. The two are relaxed, at ease, dancing poolside. They look like two people in love.

INMHO, Jeremy and Graham are the final two.

The guys show up for the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party and are surprised DeAhanna is not sitting on the couch, waiting for them as she usually is. Chris announces that DeAhnna has cancelled the party because she doesn’t need to hear more from any of them at this time. Her mind is made up. They go right to the ceremony.

Twilley is out, no doubt. But will the second elimination be Jesse or, sparing three year old Ty the home town visit, Jason? Jeremy gets the first rose and, surprise, Jason gets the second. (Bye-bye, Jesse.) Graham is third, and – whoa – Sean gets dumped, Jesse stays.

My opinion of DeAhnna just increased.