At the start of the episode the host gathers all the guys in the bunkhouse and announces that, in addition to the usual one-on-one date, DeAhnna will also take on two guys at once with one going home (who hangs around after a threesome, anyway?). But before that, the guys have to write a song for DeAhnna with the Bachelorette picking the best songwriter for her individual date. The songs (all country but Jeremy’s, who tried a rap) sucked. Let me rephrase that:
THE SONGS SUUUUCKED!!!!
Sample verse, courtesy of Jason:
The Greek Islands are the place
Crete or Santorini
But nothing can match
You in your bikini
Brian, the Fort Worth giant who has yet to get any alone time whatsoever with DeAhnna, surprises everybody with a sophomoric but sincere tear jerker about spending time in his house of pain (a favorite phrase of high school football coaches everywhere) and earns a standing ovation from the guys. But DeAhnna isn’t impressed and she picks Jesse. His song wasn’t any better than any of the other dreck, but he got down on one knee and held her hand as he recited his one verse and that did the trick, according to the object of his affections.
After the song competition this week’s houseboys accompany DeAhnna back to the mansion. Brian says, “We’re losing our cook, our comic relief and Jason.” The cook is Robert and the comic relief is Fred, who seems to be a guys’ favorite.
Before Jesse heads out on his date a tuxedo is delivered to the bunkhouse. Looks like DeAhnna has had enough of the snowboarding slacker look. While he’s getting dressed, DeAhnna addresses the camera and gives the same “I like him as a friend, but I have to find out if there’s something more than that,” speech she gave us just before breaking Richard’s heart last week.
They go to the Wiltern, one of LA’s classic old concert halls. The marquee reads:
The Greek Islands are the place
Crete or Santorini
But nothing can match
You in your bikini
Brian, the Fort Worth giant who has yet to get any alone time whatsoever with DeAhnna, surprises everybody with a sophomoric but sincere tear jerker about spending time in his house of pain (a favorite phrase of high school football coaches everywhere) and earns a standing ovation from the guys. But DeAhnna isn’t impressed and she picks Jesse. His song wasn’t any better than any of the other dreck, but he got down on one knee and held her hand as he recited his one verse and that did the trick, according to the object of his affections.
After the song competition this week’s houseboys accompany DeAhnna back to the mansion. Brian says, “We’re losing our cook, our comic relief and Jason.” The cook is Robert and the comic relief is Fred, who seems to be a guys’ favorite.
Before Jesse heads out on his date a tuxedo is delivered to the bunkhouse. Looks like DeAhnna has had enough of the snowboarding slacker look. While he’s getting dressed, DeAhnna addresses the camera and gives the same “I like him as a friend, but I have to find out if there’s something more than that,” speech she gave us just before breaking Richard’s heart last week.
They go to the Wiltern, one of LA’s classic old concert halls. The marquee reads:
One Night Only
JUST FOR YOU
JESSE
LOVE DEANNA
JUST FOR YOU
JESSE
LOVE DEANNA
It all looks lovely, but if Jesse tells her she is “off the hook” one more time I’m going to put my foot through the TV.
Back at the bunkhouse the houseboys arrive with the group date card. It says, “Gentlemen, start your engines,” and the guys are pumped for a trip to the track. That is, all except Fred and Robert, who are selected for the 2-on-1 date. That she has chosen two of her housemates isn’t a good sign for either of them. Fred’s reaction shows why the guys like him: his biggest concern is that he likes Robert and it will be hard to work to send him home.
At the Wiltern, DeAhnna has Jesse go up on the stage and read his song to her. I figure out why she liked it this time: he uses her name as the title of the song and repeats it 6 more times before he finishes, 80 seconds later. A table has been set for a candlelit dinner in front of the stage. As they dine Jesse drops the clown bit and does a nice turn as a seducer. Being a woman who expects to be the focus of a man’s attention, she is not disappointed.
This guy is surprising me every episode. I don’t know what she sees in either him or Twilley, but they keep hanging around. And tonight, for the first time, I can see how a woman would enjoy spending time with him. So does the Bachelorette. She gives him the rose before dinner is over. She tells the camera she feels comfortable with him, not pressured to have a relationship with him. If you’re Jesse, would that relax you or make you feel like you’d been kicked in the gut? To top off the date, they are serenaded by Natasha Benifield, live.
The group date takes a helicopter to Auto Club Speedway. Sean tells the camera this is his element. DeAhnna, looking good in a racing outfit, tells them they get 3 timed laps, fastest top speed wins. Results:
Brian: 140.00
Jason: 138.77
Graham: 136.91
Jeremy: 129.93 (surprising DeAhnna, who thought he would win, and pissing off Jeremy, who thought the same thing)
Twilley: 140.59 (surprising everybody, including me)
Sean: 141.11
Guess Sean don’t lie. He gets some 1-on-1. He and DeAhnna stretch out in the infield grass and have a chat that Sean feels moved him up several places in the standings (he figures Jeremy, Jason and Graham are the top 3 and gets points from me for assessing the field as it is, not as he wishes it was).
There is one more driver, though. DeAhnna slips inside the stock car, revves it up and lays rubber getting off the line (none of the guys did). It turns the guys on like nothing else she has done. Her time is 141.62, best in class.
Jeremy takes her aside and while they talk, Brian accurately sums up Jeremy’s situation up for the camera: Jeremy has been away from DeAhanna now for a few days, after 2 weeks in the house and he’s feeling threatened.
After reassuring Jeremy, DeAhnna takes some time with Graham. He is the guy who turns her crank the fastest and she wants a kiss. He’s not interested in sloppy seconds. So why did you sign up for the show, guy? “I don’t want to be one of a bunch,” he tells her. “I want it to be different.”
It pisses her off. He says “Don’t get angry.” She says, “I’m not. I’m hurt.” Yeah; hurt and angry.
Robert and Fred talk about their upcoming 2 on 1. Robert thinks she won’t kiss 2 guys on the same date and works it out in his head that if he can get a kiss will get a rose.
Back at the mansion, DeAhnna has the group-date guys in for a drink. She gives Sean a rose based on the connection they made in the infield. Twilley and Brian individually address the camera. They both feel they are on the outside looking in, and certainly I can’t argue with either of them.
The next day the guys in the bunkhouse are bored. Jeremy suggests they throw a barbeque and invite the folks down from the big house. Robert would much rather stay in the mansion, but DeAhnna insists they all attend. The bunkhouse boys inform him he’s cooking. He is not impressed. “You invite me to a barbeque and tell me I’m cooking?” A children’s table has been set up, with name cards. Robert’s reads, Bobbie. He takes the small plastic chair and heaves it into the bush.
Things go from bad to worse. This is not an event that DeAhnna controls. Rather than having fun with the several guys buzzing around her, she focuses on the few who are off doing other things. Finally she goes into the bunkhouse looking for Graham to continue their mini-spat and finds Robert sulking. Evidently sulking on The Bachelorette is like crying in baseball – there isn’t supposed to be any. She blows a gasket and tearfully accuses the guys of…I’m not sure.
Shout out to DeAhanna: you charms guys into falling for you and expect them not to get jealous when you’re with one of the other guys? Have you ever watched this show? In any event, she gets back to the mansion all upset and Jason
The 2-on-1 is an object lesson in self-deception. The date is dinner at a mansion in the Hollywood hills (isn’t that where she’s been having dinner every night so far?). The dinner is, as one would guess, awkward, with each guy vying for her attention at the expense of any kind of relaxing flow.
Robert gets some alone time and, without much to do, slips in for the kiss he believes will assure him the rose. DeAhnna gives him her cheek. Ouch. But does Robert take the hint? Ah, mais non, monsieur. Here’s the scene:
-Robert: I’m a big believer that the passion side of a relationship can be felt on the first kiss.
-DeAhnna: Oh. Okay.
-Robert: Yes. Can I kiss you?
He leans in closer. Puts a hand on her cheek.
-DeAhnna: Oh, a, maybe here.
She gives him her cheek. The instant his lips touch her she pulls back, taking his hand from her cheek and placing it on his lap.
Robert tells the camera “There is a connection between Dee and I and I know that she feels it because I can read people.” Yeah, like a book. Written in a foreign language. Stored in a vault in a secret room in an as yet undiscovered pyramid buried underneath Cheops’.
In the bunkhouse the guys discuss what a nice guy Fred is and how pissed DeAhnna was at him at the barbeque. They eye the packed bags waiting at the door and are certain Fred will be the one to come home.
DeAhnna dumps Robert, just as his housemates figured she would (and he is totally blindsided when it happens, and embarrassed as hell). Fred figures he’s home free and DeAhnna turns and sends him packing as well. You’ve got to give it to her – if the chemistry is not their, she lets you know it.
The bunkhouse boys are freaked when the Bachelorette roadies walk in and take both sets of luggage. It occurs to Jeremy that DeAhnna must be upset. It also occurs to him that she is up at the house, in need of comforting, with only Jason to be of service. And servicer her, Jason does.
The pre-rose ceremony turns into a pool party as everybody blows off the tension of the past few days. At the ceremony Brian is shown the door – and I am, as usual, dumbfounded that Twilley is chosen instead.
Back at the bunkhouse the houseboys arrive with the group date card. It says, “Gentlemen, start your engines,” and the guys are pumped for a trip to the track. That is, all except Fred and Robert, who are selected for the 2-on-1 date. That she has chosen two of her housemates isn’t a good sign for either of them. Fred’s reaction shows why the guys like him: his biggest concern is that he likes Robert and it will be hard to work to send him home.
At the Wiltern, DeAhnna has Jesse go up on the stage and read his song to her. I figure out why she liked it this time: he uses her name as the title of the song and repeats it 6 more times before he finishes, 80 seconds later. A table has been set for a candlelit dinner in front of the stage. As they dine Jesse drops the clown bit and does a nice turn as a seducer. Being a woman who expects to be the focus of a man’s attention, she is not disappointed.
This guy is surprising me every episode. I don’t know what she sees in either him or Twilley, but they keep hanging around. And tonight, for the first time, I can see how a woman would enjoy spending time with him. So does the Bachelorette. She gives him the rose before dinner is over. She tells the camera she feels comfortable with him, not pressured to have a relationship with him. If you’re Jesse, would that relax you or make you feel like you’d been kicked in the gut? To top off the date, they are serenaded by Natasha Benifield, live.
The group date takes a helicopter to Auto Club Speedway. Sean tells the camera this is his element. DeAhnna, looking good in a racing outfit, tells them they get 3 timed laps, fastest top speed wins. Results:
Brian: 140.00
Jason: 138.77
Graham: 136.91
Jeremy: 129.93 (surprising DeAhnna, who thought he would win, and pissing off Jeremy, who thought the same thing)
Twilley: 140.59 (surprising everybody, including me)
Sean: 141.11
Guess Sean don’t lie. He gets some 1-on-1. He and DeAhnna stretch out in the infield grass and have a chat that Sean feels moved him up several places in the standings (he figures Jeremy, Jason and Graham are the top 3 and gets points from me for assessing the field as it is, not as he wishes it was).
There is one more driver, though. DeAhnna slips inside the stock car, revves it up and lays rubber getting off the line (none of the guys did). It turns the guys on like nothing else she has done. Her time is 141.62, best in class.
Jeremy takes her aside and while they talk, Brian accurately sums up Jeremy’s situation up for the camera: Jeremy has been away from DeAhanna now for a few days, after 2 weeks in the house and he’s feeling threatened.
After reassuring Jeremy, DeAhnna takes some time with Graham. He is the guy who turns her crank the fastest and she wants a kiss. He’s not interested in sloppy seconds. So why did you sign up for the show, guy? “I don’t want to be one of a bunch,” he tells her. “I want it to be different.”
It pisses her off. He says “Don’t get angry.” She says, “I’m not. I’m hurt.” Yeah; hurt and angry.
Robert and Fred talk about their upcoming 2 on 1. Robert thinks she won’t kiss 2 guys on the same date and works it out in his head that if he can get a kiss will get a rose.
Back at the mansion, DeAhnna has the group-date guys in for a drink. She gives Sean a rose based on the connection they made in the infield. Twilley and Brian individually address the camera. They both feel they are on the outside looking in, and certainly I can’t argue with either of them.
The next day the guys in the bunkhouse are bored. Jeremy suggests they throw a barbeque and invite the folks down from the big house. Robert would much rather stay in the mansion, but DeAhnna insists they all attend. The bunkhouse boys inform him he’s cooking. He is not impressed. “You invite me to a barbeque and tell me I’m cooking?” A children’s table has been set up, with name cards. Robert’s reads, Bobbie. He takes the small plastic chair and heaves it into the bush.
Things go from bad to worse. This is not an event that DeAhnna controls. Rather than having fun with the several guys buzzing around her, she focuses on the few who are off doing other things. Finally she goes into the bunkhouse looking for Graham to continue their mini-spat and finds Robert sulking. Evidently sulking on The Bachelorette is like crying in baseball – there isn’t supposed to be any. She blows a gasket and tearfully accuses the guys of…I’m not sure.
Shout out to DeAhanna: you charms guys into falling for you and expect them not to get jealous when you’re with one of the other guys? Have you ever watched this show? In any event, she gets back to the mansion all upset and Jason
The 2-on-1 is an object lesson in self-deception. The date is dinner at a mansion in the Hollywood hills (isn’t that where she’s been having dinner every night so far?). The dinner is, as one would guess, awkward, with each guy vying for her attention at the expense of any kind of relaxing flow.
Robert gets some alone time and, without much to do, slips in for the kiss he believes will assure him the rose. DeAhnna gives him her cheek. Ouch. But does Robert take the hint? Ah, mais non, monsieur. Here’s the scene:
-Robert: I’m a big believer that the passion side of a relationship can be felt on the first kiss.
-DeAhnna: Oh. Okay.
-Robert: Yes. Can I kiss you?
He leans in closer. Puts a hand on her cheek.
-DeAhnna: Oh, a, maybe here.
She gives him her cheek. The instant his lips touch her she pulls back, taking his hand from her cheek and placing it on his lap.
Robert tells the camera “There is a connection between Dee and I and I know that she feels it because I can read people.” Yeah, like a book. Written in a foreign language. Stored in a vault in a secret room in an as yet undiscovered pyramid buried underneath Cheops’.
In the bunkhouse the guys discuss what a nice guy Fred is and how pissed DeAhnna was at him at the barbeque. They eye the packed bags waiting at the door and are certain Fred will be the one to come home.
DeAhnna dumps Robert, just as his housemates figured she would (and he is totally blindsided when it happens, and embarrassed as hell). Fred figures he’s home free and DeAhnna turns and sends him packing as well. You’ve got to give it to her – if the chemistry is not their, she lets you know it.
The bunkhouse boys are freaked when the Bachelorette roadies walk in and take both sets of luggage. It occurs to Jeremy that DeAhnna must be upset. It also occurs to him that she is up at the house, in need of comforting, with only Jason to be of service. And servicer her, Jason does.
The pre-rose ceremony turns into a pool party as everybody blows off the tension of the past few days. At the ceremony Brian is shown the door – and I am, as usual, dumbfounded that Twilley is chosen instead.
In order of likeliest ex-bachelor, we are down to Graham, Jeremy, Jason, Sean, Jesse and Twilley. Only two house guest roses were given out, so I guess only Jesse and Sean will spend the next week in the big house. It feels like Jeremy is losing his edge, and right now I’m calling Graham the favorite
No comments:
Post a Comment