Survivor Gabon, Episode 1, Pt. 2

Sun-up, day 4; at Kota Marcus serves breakfast to the women (who sure don’t seem to be contributing much). In voice over Charlie can’t figure out why they aren’t falling all over his beloved, because, “he’s the full package.” That makes two references to the “full package,” Ace being the first (in Ace’s eyes, admittedly) Is this some sort of Survivor colloquialism? To become a contestant on this show does it help to be the kind of person who talks about “full packages”?

Cut to Marcus and Charlie in a rowboat on a lake, Charlie no doubt picturing Marcus in a straw hat, strumming a ukulele and singing Bicycle Built for Two. Charlie confesses to Marcus that he experiences a pang of fear when Marcus is not in sight and a swelling of contentment when he comes back into view. Screw the leeches and hippos, Marcus – get the hell out of that boat.

But no, Marcus chooses to play him. Marcus tells Charlie he sees him as his inner circle, but he wants to start bringing others into the alliance, like fellow hetero hottie Jacquie. Charlie, evidently experienced in the ways of rough trade, agrees and suggests they also add Corinne.

At Fang, drafted leader GC tries to lead by suggestion. The others keep their distance, embracing Randy’s philosophy of letting others crash and burn.

Back ay Kota Marcus feels out Corinne about a possible alliance and she goes for it. Later our first foursome meets; Marcus, Charlie Corinne and Jacquie. We’ll call this the Who Can Bed Marcus Alliance. Charlie says the meeting was, “like magic. It’s like we’re all on the same page.” Yes, Charlie, it is exactly like that.

Pre-dawn, Day 5. Slowly a group gets up and gathers around the fire, waking Gillian. She complains about the noise and leader GC responds by quitting as leader. Nobody else wants the job.

The challenge consists of pushing a six foot high ball around a course of archways. Someone must climb on top of the ball at the archways to collect keys. The keys are used to unlock three chains that make up the final barricade. Fang is decked out in charcoal war paint for the occasion. Prize is immunity and fishing gear and the chance to send someone to Exile Island.

The war paint helps make it close, but Kota wins nonetheless. They send Dan to Exile.

Kota at camp, fishing. The guys have the poles and drag net out and seem to know what they are doing. Morale is high.

Lawyer Dan on Exile Island. He thinks it was stupid of Kota to send a strong player like him to the Island because he is such a threat to find the idol. He finds a message, all caps and centered:

YOU’VE ARRIVED IN EXILE
A LOVELY, LONELY PLACE
IN THIS GARDEN OF EDEN
A DIFFICULT CHOICE YOU’LL FACE…

ONE CHOICE PROVIDES AN APPLE
ONE CHOICE PROVIDES DIRECTION
SPEND YOUR TIME IN IDLE COMFORT
OR SEEL IDOL PROTECTION

Accompanying the clue is a non-metaphorical apple. He chooses the clue. Are you thinking, What? This the temptation apple Probst has been hyping in the promo that has been running for weeks on CBS? A non-metaphorical apple? Come on. The idle/idol pun is worth a groan, not this elaborate set up. Booo.

The clue:

ACROSS THE LAKE YOU SEE SO WELL
THERE LIES A SANDY CRATER
THE OBJECT HIDDEN IN ITS FLOOR
WILL SURELY HELP YOU LATER

The camera scans across the lake and follows the well-defined foot path on the other side. It leads up and over the hill to a striking crater in the plain. The path is clearly visible to Dan , should he think to look ACROSS THE LAKE YOU SEE SO WELL, dumbass. But no; Dan uses the keen mind he developed in law school to conclude he is supposed to look for a crater in the floor of the lake. When that fails, he flails about in the muck around the shore. Finally digs in assorted low spots on the opposite shore.

After 6 hours, it is like something has snapped inside him. “I’m frustrated that I can’t beat the clue. Exile Island is officially the worst place ever. I don’t care what the view is; these clues play with your mind. I can’t possibly be this stupid that I’m missing something here. I should be able to figure this clue out and right now I’m just miserable. I’m tired, I’m thirsty, I’m hungry, I’ve got cuts all over my hands and I just can’t find this immunity idol.”

Cut to Fang. General talk around the camp is that they are losing because they aren’t physically strong – code for lets dump Gillian. Even Susie, likely next in line if weakest-first gains a foothold as a voting rationale, won’t give Gillian her unconditional support.

Randy breaks up his glasses and, bends the frame and makes a fish hook. The tribe gathers bait. GC and Ken go fishing in an estuary and snag 5 big chubs. Big for chubs. Little for fish. But it’s something to flavor the rice and it raises tribe morale.

Dan returns from Exile Island. There’s a catch in his voice when he says he doesn’t want to talk about it. I swear (and I think Gillian will back me on this) that the guy is on the verge of crying. What the hell is with the lawyers on this show?

The others don’t know what to make of it. Or rather, they make the wrong thing of it. GC sums it up when he says, “Dan was acting really strange. I think he either knows where the immunity idol is or he already has it.” I think the guy is but a husk, a shell of the man he was before he went to the island. Enough of the others think the same thing for talk to turn from Gillian to Dan.

At the tribal council the talk is about leadership. GC points out that nobody has come forward to replace him, so what does that say about the tribe?

Six votes are revealed and Gillian is out by a vote of 5 to 1.