KID NATION Episode 1

I thought we were going to be watching kids build their own society. No – once the producers trotted out a hierarchy for the kids to adopt as the basis of their social structure (Upper Class, Merchants, Cooks, Laborers, with Laborers working to make one tenth of what the Upper Class get for doing nothing) I saw that this is a series about what kind of a society kids will make if first crippled with one of the worst aspects of adult culture.

So, okay – is it a good series about what kind of a society kids will make if first crippled with one of the worst aspects of adult culture?

36 kids age 8 – 15, strangers to each other, take a school bus to a pretty good stand-in for the middle of nowhere – scrubby, flat desert to the eastern horizon, distant snow covered mountains on the western one. The kids troop off the bus, the bus continues on down the rutted, unmarked road that stretches as far as the eye can see.

A smarmy host introduces them to a pile of supplies, including goats and chickens, and a half dozen or so large, wooden, two-wheel carts. A helicopter swoops down, the props whipping the kids with dust and sand. 4 more kids disembark. They are the town council, appointed by the producers. Resentment is sown. Thanks, guys.

The innocence of the town council is breath-taking, and heart-breaking, to behold:

Mike, a slight, sensitive 11 year old in a cowboy hat and wire rim glasses, thinks he will be a good leader because he respects other people’s ideas. He’s been put in charge of at least one surly, burly 15 year old. You know he’s going to be crying himself to sleep at the end of the day.

Taylor, a 10 year old pageant queen, wants to bring world peace to Africa and Iraq.

Anjay is “a genius spelling bee champ,” according to the host. Oh, right: the famous Genius Spelling Bee Championship. Anjay’s eyes shine with that purest of arrogances - a 12 year old with a good memory.

Laurel, a 12 year old “respected student leader,” believes in her own true beliefs and no one is going to make her believe otherwise.

The group loads the carts and treks to an abandoned mining town “a few miles away.” There’s a moment where Mike rallies the troops with a “Let’s go, pioneers” cheer. If he lives to be a 100, he’ll never hold himself in such effortlessly high esteem again.

Efforts to build a fire in a wood stove and cook mac and cheese for 40 occupy much of the remaining daylight. Sophia, a 14 year old, takes charge once it becomes clear it’s the only way she’s going to get something to eat. She is a revelation. Clearly the most mature person on the set, she leads by doing.

The day ends with Mike and Taylor, stressed to tears, being comforted by Laurel.

The next morning arguments break out after some kids take more than their share of Sophia’s pancakes, leaving others with nothing to eat at all. An impromptu meeting is held. It quickly dissolves into a trash the town council session. Surly, burly Greg steps up and in an aside to Mike, tells him gently, “You need to take charge.” It looks for a second like his presence will be a benefit to the council. But Mike, insecure and intimidated, misses the opportunity to bring Greg into the leadership fold, snarling, “We are in charge.” Greg, fed up, leaves the meeting. A few of the older kids follow him out.

A second natural leader, Michael (not to be confused with Mike), delivers a great speech defending the council, calming the remaining kids and motivating them to work together.

Before they left for the mining town the previous day, the host told the council members 2 things; they would be awarding a $20,000 gold star to the best pioneer at every official council meeting and there was a book waiting for the council in the town church. The council retrieves the book. It advises them to divide the town and pioneers into 4 equal groups.

I wanted to reach through the screen and give the council a shake – don’t eat that apple.

The 4 council members divide the kids into four teams.
Mike, Red Team
Laurel, Green Team
Anjay, Blue Team
Taylor, Yellow Team

Anjay’s Blues includes Greg and his friends, making it the team with the oldest membership: 10 year old Laurel’s Yellows are the youngest.

That night Greg and Blaine, a 14 year old we haven’t met yet, slip out and sneak around town (sneak? Who are they afraid is going to stop them from doing whatever they want?). With chalk substituting for spray paint, they tag Blue on the signs marking the other teams’ districts. The next morning the token young kid on the Blues, 9 year old Alex, tells the camera that what Greg and Blaine did was, “really juvenile behavior. It’s like 2 year old behavior.”

The host reappears, calls the kids to the town church, unveils the social hierarchy the producers have designed for them and sets up the competition (pumping water and filling bottles) that will determine which group has which role.

Mike’s Reds come in 1st, making them the Upper Class (or as I like to call them, Targets).
Anjay’s Blues come in 2nd, making them the Merchants.
Taylor’s Yellows come in 3rd, giving the youngest team the most important job in town – they are the Cooks.
Laurel’s Greens are the Laborers.

After the competition the kids are offered a choice between 7 more outhouses (they have 1) and a TV. Wisely, and with few to no objections, the town council chooses the outhouses.

Next morning the Yellows shock everyone, including themselves, by cooking a decent if starchy breakfast of oatmeal and grits. Sophia, a member of the Greens, tells the camera, “I’m not really the special chef anymore.” The Merchant-class Blues check out their businesses – Dry Goods, Candy Store and Saloon.

At the town meeting the next day Sophia gets the gold star, even after being the only one to speak out critically; Michael delivers another let’s-all-just-get-along speech; 8 year old Jimmy decides he's too young for this and goes home.

That’s it. Teenage boys pissing on fire hydrants, teenage girls trying to hold things together, 10 year old beauty queens who don’t do dishes – and all of them saddled with the worst of adult culture.

VPTV IS NOT AFFILIATED WITH ANY SHOW, NETWORK OR PRODUCER

SirLinksalot: Kid Nation