VPTV: RECAPS: SURVIVOR: CHINA Episode 1

Three boob shots before the introductory montage, 2 during it. Eye candy males are James, a tall, ripped, lean black grave digger and Erik, a Nashville musician with a modeling background.

The contestants are taken to a Buddhist temple for a welcoming ceremony that, JP assures them, is not a worship ceremony. NYC waitress Courtney is clearly gunning for the Survivor bitch job. She roles her eyes several times at the monk trying to guide her through the non-worship ceremony: which has a lot of golden idols, incense, candles, bowing, hand folding and chanting for a non-worship ceremony, if you ask me. And not just me – Christian Lady Leslie doesn’t wait to be asked. She slips out while everybody but Courtney is bowing.

The 16 contestants are divided into two tribes, Fei Long and Zhan Hu, pronounced Fay Long and Zohn Who. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Fay Long and Zohn.

Zhan Hu

.....Dave..............Jaime........ . ..Frosti............Ashley

...S .. h

.....Sherea............Chicken.............Erik............Pieh-Gee

Fei Long

.....Todd...............Aaron............James........Jean-Robert

.....Leslie..........Amanda...........Denise..........Courtney

Fay Long arrives at their island. Courtney, the Corpse Bride with a bad peroxide job, disses her tribe mates to the camera. They are guilty of being nice, which Courtney makes clear is not how it’s done in New York. A waitress with a BA, she is so ironic and cool you just know she’s going to make some poor sap miserable for the rest of his life.

Professional poker player Jean-Robert and gay Mormon Todd take a walk in the woods. Shirtless Jean-Robert has a large, soft belly that hangs down over what appear to be a tight pair of extra low-riding hip huggers. Unprompted, Todd tells Jean-Robert he will do anything to stay on the show. On the first take Todd was silent, using the tongue in cheek + hand movement thing to get his point across. The producers made them do the scene over.

Meanwhile over at John Who, Chicken, a farmer and the only John Who tribe member with any construction experience, has a couple of suggestions on how their shelter should be built. The suggestions are ignored and he goes into a sulk, refusing to give an opinion on anything, even when prodded.

Fay Long gets to work, building their shelter. The women do the 'toon wolf tongue drag and drool watching James work. Which brings something to mind – the contestants were brought to this island in the Lake of a Thousand Islands, wearing nothing but the clothes on their backs. Evidently the guys all favored swimming trunks for underwear.

The obligatory thunderstorm arrives on night 1, a couple nights ahead of scheduled.

Fay Long wins the episode’s only challenge, an obstacle course of sorts, sending John Who to tribal council. In keeping with Survivor tradition, the first person voted off Survivor is both the hardest working person in the tribe and the one with the most outdoor survival skills. This season that would be 47 year old chicken farmer Steve “Chicken” Morris.