Survivor: China - Episode 2

We open with shots of the Fei Long tribe at camp; James tipping over 40 ft trees with his bare hands, Denise and Leslie starting a fire, Amanda chopping wood, Todd and Courtney laying stones, Aaron breaking up downed trees, Jean Robert (JR) sleeping. JR starts snoring. In the laziest idiot in camp competition, we have a winner. Cut to the others pausing in their work to listen and look disgusted.

We later learn that pissing off everybody in his tribe is part of professional poker player JR’s game strategy. See, at the poker table he uses what business majors call a managed expectations strategy. He doesn’t want others to think he’s as strong as he is, so he acts like a wuss. And his years of being a professional wuss are clearly paying off – everybody believes the act is the true JR. In fact, even I think that. Still.

Cut to Todd and Amanda off by themselves. They’ve been studying each other. She’s decided Todd is devious - same observation JR made in episode 1 - and would therefore be a good alliance partner – same conclusion JR came to in episode 1. Did I mention in the episode 1 recap that they were given Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and told to study it? Unless they are taking Tzu’s advice and doing the friends-close-but-enemies-closer thing, it escapes me how their conclusion follows their observation. Why would you ally with the most devious person in camp first? Second, sure, but not until you’ve got somebody trustworthy to watch your back.

Todd makes the alliance and suggests they bring Aaron into it. “We make the plans,” Todd says, “and he speaks them out, which puts the target on him instead of us.” Are we listening to the words of this season’s Master Strategist? They approach Aaron and do the deal. Todd is very pleased.

Over at Zuan Hu, Dave, who was made tribe leader in a half-assed way at last week’s tribal council, drives his tribe to make a stone fire pit before making a fire. Some object, arguing a small fire and a bit of rice is more important in the short term, but he bulls ahead. If the idea of splitting the tribe up and getting both tasks done simultaneously was proposed, it got left on the editing room floor. If it wasn’t, a pox on the lot of them: I miss Chicken.

Hardhead that he is turning out to be, you still have to give Dave credit for being a hard worker. He is single-handedly hauling hundred pound mud-slicked rocks to the fire pit. He lugs one over and drops it into place, splashing mud over Frosti and Jamie. Later Jamie tells Sherea and Ashley she thinks he did it on purpose to punish her for opposing him on the pit-first plan.

Before we cut to the day’s luxury challenge, we get a long scene of Dave and Ashley butting heads over the fire pit first, eat second debate. It’s a draw, meaning Dave wins.

The luxury challenge consists of rounds of 3-person teams fighting it out in a mud pit, trying to get either one of two four-foot high wooden balls (heavy, yes, solid wood, no) over the other team’s goal. First tribe to score twice wins. The prize is fishing gear and a boat. Why fishing, season after season? I think the archery lobby should speak up.

Fei Long has to sit out a man. James immediately points to Todd, who takes it with good humor, like a man.

Under a driving rain in a mud pit that is rapidly becoming a pond, the competition is a digitized blur-fest as competitors yank on each others’ scant, mud-caked clothing. Fei Long wins, with sleepy baby JR suddenly waking up and working well with James to score the winning goal. There’s a twist: the winning tribe gets to kidnap a member of the other tribe. The kidnapped person will live with Fei Long till the immunity challenge. Jamie is selected for kidnap. And another twist: Jamie is given a tube with a note attached and told to read the note in private once Fei Long is back in camp.

Zuan Hu returns to camp to find it flooded. Don’t these people watch the show? It’s like the criteria for a good campsite is that it has to be the lowest ground closest to the shore. The only thing to survive the flood is Dave’s raised stone fire pit.

Cut to Fei Long and Aaron explaining why they (he) chose to kidnap Jamie. “After the challenge we picked Jamie to kidnap because she is a spot of sunshine in the tribe. Taking away Jamie from Zuan Hu completely demoralized them.” Aaron: psychic or smitten? You decide.

Given that The Art of War discusses stealing from your enemy, Amanda, Leslie and Todd discuss the need to keep a close eye on Jamie. Cut to Leslie telling the camera what a smart guy Todd is and how much she wants to form an alliance with him. Some guys are babe magnets: Todd’s an alliance magnet.

Despite the watchful eyes of Fei Long, Jamie manages to slip away and read the note she was given after the challenge. It starts with a quote from The Art of War: “Before making an alliance with a neighbor, you must understand his intentions.” Whoa, wait a minute. I’ve read Sun Tzu. Fei Long isn’t Jamie’s neighbor at this point in this war, they’re her enemy. Either the person who wrote the clue never read the book they quote or Jamie is being intentionally misled.

“This sealed tube,” the note continues, “is a clue to a hidden immunity idol at the enemy camp.” Enemy, Jamie. Get it? “You must give this sealed clue to a member of this tribe before you rejoin your own tribe at the next immunity challenge.”

In light of the earlier discussion about Sun Tzu also recommending stealing from one’s enemy, what would happen if she disobeyed the note and kept the clue for herself? Would the producers punish her? How could they justify doing so? After all, they’re the ones who told her to read The Art of War.

Dave and JR get into what Courtney calls a “bitch fight” over JR’s laziness. Jamie is all ears. Courtney is not impressed with the boys exposing divisions within Fei Long to a member of Zuan Hu. Speaking of Zuan Hu, back at that camp Dave continues to be patronizing as a priest. Ashley, professional wrestler that she is, argues with everything he says. For the rest of the tribe the question is quickly becoming not who’s right but rather which one of them should go first.

We’ll never find out what would have happened if Jamie had stolen the hidden immunity idol clue. She decides to give the clue to Leslie on the grounds that she is Fei Long’s weakest link. Before handing it over she gets fundamentalist Christian Leslie’s promise to keep the clue secret.

Hidden Immunity Idol Clue 1: "What is thought to be hidden may sometimes be seen. Though their eyes are not, yours must be keen."

We are shown the idol, a carved emblem on a driftwood board being used as part of the camp shelter. No way anybody will recognize it as an idol, I say.

Leslie is confident she can find the idol. So confident, in fact, that rather than find it she decides to break her promise to Jamie and share the clue with Todd in an attempt to gain him as an alliance partner. Whoever wins Survivor China, it’s not going to be Leslie.

Todd is shocked and delighted that Leslie has confided in him. According to Todd, Leslie is sick and a good candidate for eviction, which would mean he would have the clue all to himself. So he now has a 3 person alliance with Amanda and Aaron and a side alliance with immunity idol clue holder Leslie, and an alliance in waiting with JR. To the best of our knowledge, these are the only alliances in camp. Maybe they should give Todd the money now and get it over with.

The immunity challenge involves two teams of six using a Chinese puzzle log (or, as Lou Dobbs would say, a Communist Chinese puzzle log) to smash through two walls, then solving the puzzle, then banging a gong (get it on, get it on). Fei Long wins, making them a perfect 3 for 3 in challenges and sending Zuan Hu back to tribal council. They win because Dave totally crashes, looking like he is going to pass out just when they really need him. Maybe a little more attention to food and less time spent building stone barbeques that HGTV would be proud of is in order, Dave?

At tribal council, Ashley gets the boot, with only Sherea voting to evict someone else (Dave).

Is this going to be another Survivor: Amazon? Will Zuan Hu win a challenge? Talk at you next week.