KID NATION - Episode 3

I found the opening scene of episode 3 of Kid Nation revealing and sad and disturbing: children in a pretend saloon drinking pretend boilermakers, downing pretend shots, chugging pretend beers and speaking in pretend slurs, saying things like: “A man needs his root beer.” Do only ex-drinkers shudder at the pervasiveness of alcohol culture in western society?

3 kids, all familiar from episode 2, don’t attend the party – Mallory, the sweet 8 year old who opened the stuffed animal daycare, Emilie, 9, who tried to protect the chickens, and Olivia, 12, Mallory’s sister and Emilie’s friend and protector. The next day Olivia claims she didn’t go to the party because she knew she needed a good night’s sleep for the next day’s challenge competition, but on the tape shot the previous night she seems more frightened by the boisterous sounds of the party than anything else. Mallory, 4 years younger and 4 years less experienced at dissembling, puts a plainer face on their decision not to attend.

“I don’t really count,” she says, without self-pity – just acknowledging her place in the social order. “How are we going to build a town without laws, rules – that’s how this town got abandoned in the first place.”

The party goes into the wee hours. Next morning Greg enters the various sleeping quarters, banging lids together, yelling for people to get up, even dragging slackers still in their sleeping bags out into the street. Note to Greg: nobody has ever given their alarm clock a gold star.

As per usual, the town council meets in the church to read the next chapter of the pioneer journal. It says that problems started for the town circa 1895 because the saloon was open late and advises the council to institute a curfew. Either Mallory is secretly the author of the journal, or the entry is a coincidence, or the producers are taking their journal entry cues from the kids.

The council discusses an appropriate curfew. Ever have someone say something that makes absolutely no sense and you just let it slide? Laurel has. Mike opines that 9:30 would be a good curfew time. “I think 9:30 because that way they got 8 hours of sleep.” Huh? Even if he means “get,” not “got,” does he expect their wake-up time to be 5:30 a.m.? Laurel’s response: “That’s perfect.”

Before the council can assemble the town to announce the curfew, kids complain about Greg waking them up so roughly. The council and a large group of supporters confront him. “We use to respect you, Greg,” Laurel tells him. “We thought you deserved the gold star.” Greg has a freak out, and it’s not pretty. His age, size and close bond with Blaine, the only kid with the physical maturity to challenge him one-on-one, means he can do about anything he wants, and it scares everyone else. Finally his tantrum is too much even for Blaine and he pulls Greg away from a verbal confrontation with Mike that Greg is rapidly escalating. Twelve year old Morgan, from Indianapolis like Olivia and Mallory, confronts Greg, telling him he needs to stop swearing in front of the little kids and change his negative attitude. He storms off with Blaine at his side. He eventually calms down and re-dedicates himself to helping build the town and winning a gold star. “I might mess up once,” he tells the camera, “but I won’t mess up twice.” We’ll see.

The council holds a town meeting and announces the curfew. Many object. Taylor, diplomat that she isn’t, tells them, “9:30 is our curfew. If you have a problem with it, sorry, but deal with it.” Her words have no impact. It’s Colton, a small for his age 11 year old who appeared briefly in episode 1, who ends the discussion. “9:30 is freakin’ curfew,” he yells. “Get over it. 9:30, be in your bunks, period. Drop the subject.”

We get to spend some time with Colton as he leads two other boys out into the bush, exploring. He is, as one person later calls him, a natural born cowboy – fearless, agile, full of energy, in command of himself. At one point he squares off against a long horn steer protecting a small herd of cows and the steer backs down. Great scene, but you have to wonder what the producers would have done if the long horn hadn’t backed off. Sent flowers?

Having failed once again to make breakfast, Taylor’s Yellows make home fries for brunch. That’s it – home fries. To save on the clean up, they skip serving bowls, utensils and plates. Instead, they scoop the potatoes from the pan and place them directly in people’s cupped hands. The others are not impressed.

The challenge is next. It consists of catching specially marked sheep from among a large flock with playing cards hanging off their necks. Teams complete the challenge by snatching 3 aces. Natural born cowboy Colton kicks ass, getting all 3 aces for the Yellows. They will be Upper Class, not Cooks – a relief to all. Anjay’s Blues take second (Merchants), Laurel’s Greens get third (Cooks), ending their 2 turn run as Laborers and leaving Mike’s Reds to take their place at the bottom of the producers’ social hierarchy.

All teams complete the task in less than 5 minutes, meaning they have won the reward. The choice this week is between a “frontier” microwave with a barrel of cocoa and 40 pizzas. The council discusses the matter. Taylor and Laurel argue for the microwave as the town chants for pizza. Remarkably, the council decides to go for the microwave. Again, Taylor handles the objections by imperiously telling all to “Deal with it.”

A storm front moves through town, the wind filling the air with sand and blowing over the outhouses. The kids hurry inside, seeking shelter. Nathan runs in the saloon and announces the news about the outhouses. The kids run back outside to see. For all they know, a twister is on its way (Jared certainly seems convinced this is the case), but hey – there’s spilt poo out there to see.

Once everyone has made their way back to the saloon, Zack takes charge. “Everybody is going to wait in here until the weather blows over. Then Blaine and Greg and all the older kids are going to re-tip the outhouses.”

Re-tip – beautiful word. Greg takes charge of the re-tipping without complaint.

Two of the youngest kids, Cody, 8, and Mallory, are thinking about going home. The town council changes things up a bit and asks the others to give them their input on who they think should get this week’s gold star. Blaine, Colton and Greg nominate Greg, Mike, Zack, Sophia, Eric and Campbell nominate Morgan, Morgan nominates “everybody out there.” The council is split between the two nominees when Olivia comes in and nominates Mallory. Laurel admits they’ve been focusing on the older kids and the council considers giving the gold star to Mallory for her cheerfulness and hard work and because the next day, award day, is her 9th birthday.

At the town meeting the first order of business is how things are going. The Greens (Cooks) take Taylor to task for leaving the kitchen in lousy shape. Taylor tries her imperious “deal with it” routine but this time it doesn’t work. Nathan and then Guylan rise to denounce her leadership. Taylor starts crying. Sophia rises and asks, “Who is unhappy with the job that the council is doing?” For the first time there are calls for a new election. Taylor promises she and the Yellows will start working, despite being Upper Class, saving her butt for the time being. Do you think somewhere one or both of her parents are reconsidering telling her to “deal with it” as a way of not dealing with her? One can hope. The meeting continues. No one takes the opportunity to go home, Mallory gets the gold star. Hurray for the young ones.

Will the counciul last another meeting? We'll find out next week.